Friday, November 10, 2006

Story: The Fly III

Dr. Seth Brundle did not get out much, spending all his time on his Teleporter, a computer assisted device to transport a person safely from one Telepod to another. There had been mistakes in the past, but he was convinced there would be no more inside out baboons. He believed that he had gotten out the bug.

So, one night, he stepped into Telepod One. When he rematerialized in Telepod Two, it appeared that his device had worked perfectly. In the mirror, he looked fine. But then an ambulance’s siren sounded outside, and Brundle ran out of his laboratory to chase it down the street.

Something had gone terribly wrong!

Brundle ran back to his lab and searched through the replay of the teleportation sequence and screamed in horror. He was no longer nerd. He was now nerdlawyer.

Yes! Somehow a lawyer had snuck into Telepod One and the computer had fused their cells together! Nerdlawyer desperately sought a solution while suppressing the urge to hang around a ski slope and wait for a skier to accidentally cross the border. In the end, they could think of only one solution: dilute the lawyer cells by transporting again, only this time with a human.

Nerdlawyer raced out onto the street and mugged the first person they saw, a woman. They held her as the door closed on them in Telepod One. When Telepod Two's doors opened out stepped one person who, remarkably, still looked like Brundle. But when the nerd and lawyer began debating about what to do next, a female voice reminded them that this was a horizontal democracy and she'd heard plenty from both of them already.

It raced back to the computer and screamed again: it was now nerdlawyerfeminist.

At first the nerd and lawyer were concerned, but the feminist had them well in hand after showing them some multiple orgasms. And, certainly, Brundle no longer had to go out to socialize.

Victor Schwartzman

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