Saturday, November 25, 2006

Story: Literary Delusions

An author laboured under a delusion: that he knew how readers understood his writing. He knew he had a delusion, being an insightful author, but resented having any delusions at all (which was in itself a delusion, of course, but then he had delusions about his delusions). In any event, as it bruised his ego to have a delusion, he decided one day to ask it to leave.

"Leave? Certainly not," the delusion replied. "I've got quite the solitaire game going. Unlike you, I know what I have and am quite comfortable."

Worried, the author decided to try Education. He enrolled in Universities and after being awarded Degrees asked if he had not Education enough to rid himself of his delusion.

Responded the delusion, "Thanks for the friend! I love Cribbage."

Even more concerned, the author decided to try Religion. He studied various religions, attended churches and mosques and synagogues, and when he believed he had improved his soul sufficiently he asked if he had not Religion enough to rid himself of his delusion.

To which the delusion replied, "Now we can play Hearts!"

Now growing desperate, the author decided to try Love. He found a woman and listened to her when he had to and had sex with her and did his share of the housework, and then asked if he had not Love enough to rid himself of his delusion.

“Bridge at last!”

Victor Schwartzman
victors@mts.net

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