Poem: Pornography, Nazis and the Internet

When the Nazis came to power
they outlawed pornography:
it is difficult to plan conquering the world
while you are jerking off.
But after they invaded a country
they spread pornography there
it is hard to fight your oppressor
if you are busy stroking yourself.

Now, look at the internet today.
Pornography has spread everywhere.
We were invaded years ago
but were too busy pleasuring ourselves
to notice or to ask
who are today's Nazis?

Poem: How Many Ways Do You Masturbate?

How many ways do you masturbate?
So many, I run out of fingers counting them:
having sex with someone who really loves you
proposing your brilliant ideas at a meeting
talking about giving the poor money
sending emails to friends when your short story is published
looking into the mirror as you try different comb-overs
reading Joyce when someone else is looking
taking dates to movies with subtitles
rooting for the team that is winning
telling parents about that possible promotion
owning an SUV
wearing the latest fashions
attending the best parties
going to the gym to sculpt your body

See? I’m starting to run out of toes now.
writing a poem

Victor Schwartzman
victors@mts.net